i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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