exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's official drugs can't kill me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
