i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
