I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
