she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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