i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She announced her abortion via fbk
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
