You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
