The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
