I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
