Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
