his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
