How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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