from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
