There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
