I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
