Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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