Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Pants are for mortals
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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