got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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