I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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