I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
