i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
