We're like a lot better than the average bears
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
