when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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