I am in a vortex of obligation.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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