she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So much rum. So many feels.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
