i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
