I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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