is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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