I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize