there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
