The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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