Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
