My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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