my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
