they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She even gives head with a lisp.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
