So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
