its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
