I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize