Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
