I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i think im in europe. pls send help
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
