I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
