i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
