I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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