On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
