My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
His hands were made for my vagina.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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