He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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