apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
