I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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