I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
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He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
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God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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