These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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