didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
