Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
