I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
