Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
