and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
