Only a mothe r could love this liver
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
