Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
