Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
