sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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