i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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