First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
