I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
