I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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