it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
