i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
