I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
